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Lessons from a Zombie Invasion: How to Survive a Bed Bug Infestation

Lessons from a Zombie Invasion: How to Survive a Bed Bug Infestation

By Jacques de Bug - 06/11/13

We found this hilarious blog post comparing bed bugs to zombies. We just had to revise and share this!

What do they have in common?

Zombies Bed bugs
Can survive for a long time without feeding Can survive for up to 18 months without feeding
Feed on human brains Feed on human blood
Multiply quickly through contamination Multiply quickly via reproduction
Getting bitten can turn you into a zombie Getting bitten can turn you into a sleep-deprived zombie
Ignorance can allow them to spread into previously unaffected areas Ignorance can allow them to spread into previously unaffected areas
Follow you wherever you go Follow you wherever you go
Can infect anyone, regardless of class, gender or nationality Can infest anyone’s apartment, regardless of class, gender or nationality
Difficult to eradicate Difficult to eradicate
Creepy to most Creepy to everyone

If you have bed bugs, don't fret. Let's now look at survival techniques from zombie experts to see what strategies we can apply to bed bug remediation.

Assumptions

Let's compare apple to apples. Let's assume you are taking shelter in your home and one of your parties is infected with the virus.

Keys to Surviving a Zombie Invasion

  1. Do not leave your house. Hopefully you stocked up on food, water, and supplies.
  2. Do not let anyone in your house. They could be infected.
  3. Board all doors and windows shut.
  4. Do not draw attention to your residence. Be as quiet as possible. Do not use electricty at night.
  5. Monitor communications from authorities.
  6. Be on lookout for police and military rescue groups.
  7. You need weapons. Lots of 'em. Start sharpening sticks and the ends of garden tools.
  8. Do not assume everyone in your survival party is uninfected. There's always one.
  9. When you have identified someone is infected. Isolate them. Chain them to a bed. Nail that door shut. You must debate killing them, or hope for an antidote.
  10. Throw away any clothes that come in contact with zombies. 
  11. Get into shape. At some point you're going to need to run.
  12. Have an escape plan.

Of course, very few people listen to this advice. In my favorite Zombie flick, Shaun of the Dead, the main character convinces the group to leave a secure apartment complex to head to a pub. And, allows his infected step-father to travel with the group. It didn't end well.

Keys to Surviving a Bed Bug Infestation

  1. Do not move from your residence. You can't ignore the problem. They will follow you. They may live without feeding for up to 18 months. When you come back, they can begin biting you again. So staying in your home during treatment, and sleeping in your usual bed, is the way to confirm that they are exterminated.
  2. Do not stay with someone else. You could be carrying bed bugs or their eggs.
  3. Save any bed bugs you can find. Pick it up with clear packing tape, and tape it to an index card. We will need to see them.
  4. Do not assume bed bugs are only in your bed. They may be in other bedrooms, too.
  5. Do not think that you are the only one being bitten. Some people do not react to bed bug bites at all. Bed bug bites are an allergic reaction, and reactions vary from nothing to serious allergic reactions. Research released in 2010 by Dr. Michael Potter suggests 30% of people do not react to bed bug bites.
  6. Do not start throwing your bed and other furniture out. They are worth money. With proper treatment, we can save them.
  7. Do remove clutter. Anything you can throw away (eg. clothes you haven't worn in a year) should be put in a sealable plastic bag before leaving the room.
  8. Do not move furniture from room to room. Hopefully, it could be contained to one room.
  9. Do not use over-the-counter pesticides. They won't work.
  10. Do not release a fogger or bug bomb. They also don't work on bed bugs.
  11. Bag your clothing and linens. Wash them in a machine on hot, dry them on hot for 1-2 hours. But, do not do this in a public laundromat!
  12. Call a professional to take care of your bed bug problems

Most people are surprised to learn that you shouldn't leave your infested residence. Lay low until you can get professional help.

If you live in New England, and want to practice running away from Zombies, there's a Zombie Charge race in Eastern Connecticut in early September 2013.

Zombie Charge CT


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